Nothing.
DisbeliefI don't have words, not a face to explain my actions.
I don't have an allibi, I don't have an excuse.
I don't have apologies, nor begging for forgiveness.
I don't have anything.
What I have is my way to say how stupidly sorry I am.
A way to tell the same story, and why I chose to make it a secret, knowing how dangerous it might turn. I chose to forget it because there was nothing on it, because it wasn't really worth it. It was a mistake, pure pain and regret taken to action.
And right after destroying everything, I wish I could say something to make us feel better.
I wish I could take it all back.
My fucking desperation to be loved.
My constant struggling to feel accepted.
This fear of rejection that's been hunting me for so long.
And how every morning I feel so lonely that I certainly wish to be dead.
And every second since I came back is harder to take.
The thought of the moments I could be spending on your side. The thought of how we'll never be together makes me feel like nothing's worth it anymore. And it isn't.
It's been echoing in my head and it makes me feel anger and a sadness that's so hard to hold that for a moment it makes me want to let all of it go to waste.
This emptiness makes me go evil.
The type of solitude that takes hold of me each second. The kind of feeling that pushes me to don't care about anything, not even me. I knew from the start how possible it was to tear everything apart for deciding to take one night of fake pleasure and bliss. But no, I didn't feel nothing. And after it was all over I thought of how selfish and cruel I've become.
I knew it, it would make me fall into pieces.
And I did it.
If I had to chose again I'd still hide it. It was made for me to suffer, only me.
You're so far away.
And I will never forget how I decided to risk the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me. And your voice going "every time is worse than the last one" and how I can't deny it.
Now, for whatever I could wish besides being dead, I wish you to forget me and never think about me again.
Devious Comments
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Marko Luna
Gracias por leerlo.
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hidden and staring.
sabes a veces las piezas se mueven para bien o para mal con un proposito, nada se mueve, nada se kae o se levanta sin tener un proposito al final.
abrazos.
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Marko Luna
Pero en algunos casos, todo lo que habías construido a lo largo de años de vuelve insignificante y simplemente se cae.
Ahorita yo hice algo que fue terriblemente insensible, y por más que no existiese intención de dañar a nadie, dañé a muchas personas, entre ellas la que más he amado en mi vida, y que nunca me va a perdonar.
No se como levantarme.
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hidden and staring.
pero sabes, ellos no podrian entenderlo nunka, pero tu si.
diskulparse es lo escencial.
kien en la vida no kae y se levanta de nuevo, solo akellos ke realmente no valoren su vida terminan kitandose la misma por temor a ella.
es posible ke te sientas mal, pero si ellos no te perdonan despues de disculparte realmente, kreo ke no son realmente tus amigos, porke los amigos de verdad se perdonan siempre
abrazos.
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Marko Luna
supongo que tienes razon, lo único que me queda es darle al tiempo lo que es de él... en fin, la verdad es que lo único que me mantiene ahorita es pensar que yo nunca he dejado de amar a nadie y lo que he hecho siempre lo he hecho siendo honesta conmigo misma.
Las disculpas ya no valen mucho en este punto, aunque ya di todas las que podía. Sólo espero que eventualmente la situacion se aclare y todos estemos bien.
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hidden and staring.
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Marko Luna
es que a veces es muy difícil y parece que ya nada vale la pena no? pero pues supongo que eso no lo es todo. Por ahora me voy lejos de esta maldita ciudad...
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hidden and staring.
p.d. no te me vayas muy lejos
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Marko Luna
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